Felix and Fanny are Busy

On a wintry Thursday, Natasha lounges in a comfortable chair at home, hands clasped on her enormous belly. "Felix and Fanny are busy", she murmurs to Henry, and places his hand on her tummy.

"They certainly are", says Henry.

Meanwhile, at the Ericson home, Bibi relaxes in the hot tub, nude. Someone is watching her from the second floor window of a neighboring house.

Megan Cupcake struggles to read Catullus, and wonders who Lesbia is.

At the Blooms, Molly pounds away on the Bosendorfer, doing scales. Mary looks over the Science homework Roderick did for her, the History paper Roderick wrote for her, and the Math homework Margaret did for her. She sighs. It's hard to be a teen.

Margaret moves on to matrix Algebra.

Catherine is having a nice day, a fact she is more than happy to share with all who will listen. At this moment, she has an audience of one, a certain Mr. Fuzzums, who is in every respect a perfect gentleman even though he is a bear.

Roderick continues to read a book about single premium deferred annuities. He is disappointed to discover that since the book was published, the tax law changed and nobody buys them anymore. He resolves to read newer books, or stick to history.

College Day Is Coming

There is an announcement at Beauneville Latin this morning, during morning sign-in:

Juniors: College Day is coming. Prepare yourselves!

That last part is just a sample of the dry humor of Mr. Method, the guidance counselor who also serves as drama teacher. Mr. Method never misses an opportunity to add color to his announcements. For example, last week he posted the following:

O dark and dreadful day! SAT exams will be held on Saturday, February 26, at the E. Biglelow Butz Regional High School.

Mr. Method's announcement about College Day continues:

College Day is a misnomer; it would be best if we called it College Hour, as there will be but three colleges presenting: Old Ivy College, the University of Lake City and Enormous State University. Students who really want to learn about colleges would be best advised to check the internet, or mailboxes at home, as Beauneville Latin has little time or energy to devote to college fairs and the like.

Roderick pauses, and chuckles. That Mr. Method! He's such a comic!

Students seeking to learn more about college life should report to the Gymnasium between one and two p.m., and will be excused from class. Not that an excuse is required, since attendance is never taken.

Molly noodges Roderick. "Are you going?" she asks.

"Sure" he replies. Not that there is any doubt in his mind about where he will go to college. Of course, he will go to Old Ivy. And so will Molly. Roderick thinks about himself and Molly, in the Quadrangle, under the Kissing Tree. Then he thinks about Molly, nude. This requires little imagination on his part, as Molly, nude, is a regular part of Roderick's daily life.

Molly noodges him again. "What are you thinking about?" she asked.

"I was thinking about you, actually", he says. Roderick considers whether or not to mention the no clothes part, and decides against it. Not here at school. There is a time and a place for everything, and morning sign-in is definitely not the best time to discuss erotic thoughts.

Molly smiles. Of course, she is thinking about Beethoven, the Arioso from the A-flat Sonata Opus 110, but also listening to Roderick; Molly's mind is a fugue, with multiple subjects in counterpoint. She can't wait to get to Art class and lose her clothes.

Mary Bloom brushes against Roderick in an almost seductive way. "Thank you so much for helping me with my Science homework", she gushes, batting her big blue eyes.

"You're welcome", says Roderick. What a nice girl, he thinks. So polite and neatly dressed. It hardly matters to him that she barters sex for money and grades; in fact, he finds it intriguing, though not enough to break into his piggy bank.

Mounting the stairway, on the way to English class, Megan Cupcake "accidentally" bumps into Roderick. "Hi Roderick", she coos. "Want to come over after school to 'study Latin'?" She says the words 'study Latin" in such a manner as to make clear that she has something more in mind than Catullus.

"Sure", says Roderick. Roderick knows exactly what Megan has in mind, and is more than happy to oblige, especially so since Molly will be practicing for her big recital. No point in spending an afternoon alone.

Valentine's Day

It is the custom among the youth of Beauneville who attend Beauneville Latin to send notes and gifts on Valentine's Day to the object -- or objects -- of their affection. Said notes may be slipped under doors, placed in mailboxes or be delivered anonymously, but they always convey serious intent; thus, in Beauneville, one does not witness the scattershot sort of Valentine greetings one observes elsewhere. If you get a Valentine in Beauneville, it means that somebody wants you. But you may not always know who.

On Valentine's Day morning, Roderick found one instantly recognizable greeting in the mailbox. It read:

Let's cuddle. Love, Megan

Roderick did not receive a Valentine from Molly, nor did he give her one. They both agreed that no such communication was necessary.

Natasha waddled to the door and found a small gift-wrapped box. Opening it, she found a recording of songs of Fanny Mendelssohn, with a note from Henry. She was in rapture.

Molly Bloom, Megan Cupcake, Bibi Ericson and a host of other girls all found unsigned notes. They all instantly recognized Donny Clapper's unique grammar, style and approach to amour.

Dickie Wickett sent Katie Zeppelin an amorous email. She hearted him on Facebook.

Bibi Ericson is unfamiliar with Beauneville customs concerning Valentine's Day. At lunch, she approached Roderick.

"Vat eez ze Day of Falentine? Eet eez about ze sex, ya?"

Roderick nodded. "Possibly."

Mary Bloom received a number of queries about a possible Valentines Day date, all of which she declined. Marketing 101: customers value something more when it's hard to get.

Catherine Bloom wrote a note to Mr. Fuzzums:

Happy Valentine's Day. To my dearest, my one and only, my love.

In the darkness of Catherine's backpack, Mr. Fuzzums sought to woo Miss Kitty. Miss Kitty, however, in keeping with her character, was demure.

Losing Interest

On Sunday morning, Mary Bloom -- the "good" daughter -- rose early and made the family a nice hot breakfast of pancakes, eggs, sausage and bacon. After filling the plates, she ran back upstairs to dress in her white "virgin" dress and braided pretty blue cornflowers into her long golden hair. Where she found the cornflowers in the dead of winter is a mystery. Suffice to say that girls like Mary Bloom have an infinite supply of cornflowers.

Holding her long white dress up over her boots to keep it out of puddles, Mary sploshed her way through the slush to the neighboring house, where she made a nice hot breakfast for Mrs. Peacock and served it in the parlor. As Mrs. Peacock tucked in to her plate of eggs and toast, Mary sat in the opposite chair and toyed nervously with her cornflowered braids.

"What's on your mind, dear?" asked Mrs. Peacock. Mrs. Peacock understands that when Mary toys with her braids she has something on her mind.

"I think....Miss Agassiz is losing interest in me" stammered Mary, holding back tears.

"Miss Agassiz? What makes you think that, dear?"

"Last week I turned in my homework with mistakes, and instead of having me stay after school for 'correction', she just handed it back with a bad grade. I'm so worried..." Mary burst into tears.

Mrs. Peacock hugged Mary. "There, there, my child", she cooed. "This sort of thing happens in love. But if you want my advice, I think the problem is that you are too easy."

"Too easy?"

"Yes. People like 'Mistress Renee' like resistance. If you give in too easily, they get bored and want to move on. If you want my advice, find someone to help you with your homework for awhile, so you can show Miss Agassiz you don't need her 'special help'. She'll be at your doorstep in no time."

"Oh, Mrs. Peacock, you're so wonderful!" cried Mary, hugging her effusively. Mary ran home just in time to meet her family on the front porch as they set off for services at the Church of Nothing.

Later that morning, Roderick met Megan Cupcake at the doorstep of Mr. Smiley's new cottage. Roderick needed to check the house as he does every Sunday, and Megan wanted to see the place. She followed him to the basement as he checked the furnace, and again as he prowled each room of the house.

In the master bedroom of Mr. Smiley's cottage, there is a large four-poster bed, of Victorian design. Roderick checked the windows. As he turned to leave the room, Megan blocked his egress playfully. "We could play 'house' here, you know..." she murmured suggestively.

While they did not, in fact, play "house" that afternoon, Roderick found the idea to be most interesting.

Around four in the afternoon, Roderick sat in the living room of the Smith house -- Megan had some errands to do, so they split up after lunch. Roderick sat in one of the nice comfortable chairs and read a book about single premium deferred annuities. He borrowed the book from his Dad, and it was a real page-turner.

The doorbell rang; Roderick answered it. Mary Bloom stood on the porch in her long winter coat. Roderick invited her in, and took her coat. Mary had exchanged her white "virgin" dress for her standard "schoolgirl" outfit -- white blouse, plaid kilt, knee socks and penny loafers, which were slightly soggy due to the many slush puddles. "What a nice girl", thought Roderick. "And so nicely dressed..." although her attire did seem a bit odd for a Sunday afternoon.

"Um, Roderick....I was wondering of you could help me with my Science homework...?"