Today, Mr. Smith meets with the Investment Policy Committee of Wimbledown University's endowment fund. They meet in the stately and quaint building affectionately known as "Old Masters Hall", which was built in 1952 in faux "College Gothic" style.
Mr. Smith is appropriately impressed with the surroundings, which look vaguely what Hollywood imagines Oxford to look like, an impression that is only slightly marred by the presence of a "Fat Marty's Big Boy Burger" outlet on the ground floor. The burgers smell pretty good; Mr. Smith has never eaten at a Fat Marty's, and makes a mental note to try a Fat Marty's Enormous Super-Size Bacon and Cheese Burger, with a side of onion rings, washed down with one of the featured craft ales. (Featured this week: Incredibly Esoteric brand Pumpkin and Smelly Underwear Super-Hop Pale Ale).
The Policy Committee meets in the Bingleton Room, a wood paneled room dominated by a life-size portrait of Benjamin Bingleton, former President of the University and President of the United States. Dr. Bingleton -- affectionately known by those close to him as "Dr. Bingleton" -- is well-known for his idealistic diplomacy, progressive thinking on domestic matters, and dislike of black people. During his Presidency, Bingleton worked tirelessly for peace, national self determination and preservation of white supremacy.
Bingleton's memoirs sold like hotcakes after he left office, and he willed his fortune to the University to endow a Center for the White Man's Burden. Bowing to political correctness, the University renamed the Center in 1958 (the "Colored People Studies Center"), again in 1964 (the "Negro Studies Center") and in 1968 ("Black Studies Center"). In 1970, the name changed again ("African-American Studies Center") and expanded to include more minorities ("African-American, Hispanic and Native American Studies Center"). To settle a lawsuit, the University further expanded the mission of the Center in 1974 "African-American, Hispanic, Native American and Samoan Studies Center). After an extended topless protest in the Quad by University women -- a protest that received the full support of University men living in dorms overlooking the Quad -- Wimbledown University agreed to expand the role of the Center once again in 1978 ("African-American, Hispanic, Native American, Samoan and Women's Studies Center").
With continuing Progressive evolution, the Center is now known as the "Bingleton Center for African-American, Atheist, Bi-Sexual, Gay, Hispanic, Lesbian, Native American, Overweight, Queer, Samoan, Transgendered and Women's Studies". However, the endowment is mostly exhausted and the Center will close later this year.
The meeting is long and rather dull. Mr. Smith contemplates a Fat Marty's Enormous Super-Size Bacon and Cheese Burger. His stomach growls.
