The Church of Metaphor split from the Unitarian Church in 1887, following the inspirational preaching of Dr. Wilfred Homily, who famously wrote that "this thing we worship is a metaphor for something." Dr. Homily's flock soon divided into two camps; one founded the Church of Metaphor, the other founded the Church of Something. The Church of Metaphor suffered a further schism in 1922 in a doctrinal dispute over use of the words "like" and "as"; devotees thereof founded the Church of Simile, a congregation of which meets in Stapleton each Sunday afternoon.
Roderick wants to learn more about business careers, and Mr. Smith has arranged a tour of Beaune Valve. Debbie Flack, Vice President of Public Relations, meets him in the lobby. "Good morning, Roderick!" she chirps, extending a hand.
"Good morning." Roderick isn't sure if it's Miss Flack, Mrs. Flack or Miz Flack, so he skips the honorific altogether.
Miss Flack beckons. "We'll begin in my department." She leads Roderick into a large room with many cubicles filled with young people typing on computers. "My team handles all of Beaune Valve's social media operations."
Roderick is amazed. "Wow, people get paid to use Twitter and Facebook?"
Miss Flack laughs. "Oh, we don't pay them, they're interns." She continues down the hallway to a large corner office. Knocking, she gestures to Roderick to enter. "Roderick, meet Debbie Credit, Chief Financial Officer of Beaune Valve."
Behind the desk is an attractive forty-ish woman in a business suit, who stands to greet him. "Good morning, Roderick!"
Roderick isn't sure whether it's Miss Credit, Mrs. Credit or Miz Credit, so he skips the honorific. "Good morning!"
Mrs. Credit beckons to a chair; Roderick sits; Debbie Flack departs. "So!" says Mrs. Credit, "I hear you're at Old Ivy."
Roderick nods.
"What are you studying?"
"Oh, you know...Logic, Rhetoric, Mathematics, History of Banking..."
"And you're interested in business?"
"Yes."
"Well, the first rule of business is to make money. That means you have to know how much you make on everything you sell. That's where my team comes in. The Controller, Mr. Harianus, runs the cost accounting system so we know about all of the costs that go into every valve we make."
Roderick writes this down.
"The second rule is to manage the money you make. Miss Kashflo, the Treasurer, keeps track of our surplus cash, invests the money for short periods and makes sure we have enough cash in the bank every other week to make payroll.
"The third rule is to minimize taxes. That's where Mrs. Dee Duction comes in. She manages our Federal, state and local tax liability."
"How did you get to be CFO?" Roderick wonders.
"I got promoted last year from Treasurer. Before that, I worked for five years for the accounting firm of Beatum and Cheatum, where I got my CPA."
"What was it like working for Beatum and Cheatum?"
"It sucked. They treat you like crap, because they know that a CPA is a meal ticket, and you can't get one without some experience at an audit firm. But c'est la vie."
Roderick thanks Mrs. Credit and departs. He's learned enough to know that he doesn't want to be a CFO.
"Come on back next week, and I'll introduce you to some more people" says Debbie Flack, perkily.
Meanwhile, Mr. Smiley places a dollar in the collection plate at the Church of Metaphor. It's a grand offering.
