"Ooooh!" say the children, who like animal stories.
Mr. Smiley reads:
Once upon a time, in the land of Flemm, there was a flock of cute little lambs. The lambs spent most of their days grazing in the pasture, because that's pretty much what lambs do. One little lamb, whose name was Petunia, was quite a bit smarter than the rest of the flock, which isn't saying much since lambs aren't the sharpest denizens of the animal kingdom, but in relative terms at least she was smart."The End" says Mr. Smiley. He rises from the Reading Chair and returns the book to Dorabella, who stands behind the register.
One day, Petunia decided that she was totally fed up with grazing and decided to wander away from the flock. Her sisters -- named Flossie, Millie and Zeppelin -- bleated a warning. "Petunia, you mustn't wander away from the flock. The eagle is evil, and he will eat you."
Petunia ignored them. "Stupid bourgeois morality" she muttered to herself, and continued to wander.
Soon thereafter, an eagle, named Fred, swooped down and landed in front of Petunia, blocking her path. "Good morning, little lambie," he said. "Pleased to meet you. My name is Fred, and I'm going to eat you."
"That's not very nice," said Petunia. "Also, it's evil."
"Evil, shmevil," said Fred. "I'm hungry. Also, Nietzsche says it's wrong for the weak to restrain the strong."
"What, are you an adolescent?" asked Petunia. "Nietzsche is an idiot."
"I beg your pardon?" said Fred, indignantly. "He is the greatest of philosophers."
"Philosophy, shmilosophy. Why should I give a moment's thought to some dude who says it's OK for you to eat me?"
"You can't just pick and choose philosophy based on your personal interests."
"I just did. Poof." Petunia made a dismissive gesture. "Nietzsche can bite me."
"I guess I can't convince you," said Fred. "But I'm going to eat you anyway."
"You can certainly try, but you might want to reconsider. I'm wearing a suicide belt, and if you eat me your feathers will be spread far and wide in this pasture."
"Suicide belt? I don't see a suicide belt."
"It's under my wool."
"You're bluffing."
"If you think so, go ahead and try to eat me. You'll see."
"Sorry lambie. It's in my nature to eat you." With that remark, Fred gobbled up Petunia. A moment later there was a huge explosion, and pieces of Fred went flying everywhere.
Back in the pasture, Flossie, Millie and Zeppelin heard the boom and stopped grazing for a moment.
"There goes Petunia," said Flossie, between bites.
Zeppelin stopped chewing for a moment. "Stupid eagles."
"They can't help it," said Millie. "It's in their nature."
"So much for nature," said Flossie.
"So much for Nietzsche," said Zeppelin.
"I read Also Sprach Zarathustra some years ago," says Mr. Smiley. "In German."
"Really!" says Dorabella. "What did you think of it?"
Mr. Smiley ponders a moment. "It was nice."
