Megan's Novel

Megan works on her novel:

Mae Rose lives in a prewar bungalow on a tree-lined street with her five lovely but big-boned daughters (Alice, Babs, Celia, Dahlia and Emily) and a very intelligent Dandie Dinmont Terrier named Muffin. Alice, Babs, Celia and Dahlia are lazy and ignorant, while Emily works very hard at school to no avail because she is just plain stupid.

Pausing, Megan reads that passage to herself and smiles. Good characterization, she thinks. Now to the setting.

Two grand old sycamore trees -- one in the front and one out back -- shelter Mae Rose's bungalow from the Florida sun. The sycamore out back, which the girls lovingly refer to as "the big tree", has a rope swing attached to one of the branches. If you look at the trunk you can read the names of Alice and Babs' many boyfriends, but none for Celia because she is too fat and ugly, and none for Dahlia because she doesn't give it out for free. Also none for Emily because she is too busy with fruitless study.

There are many other interesting things in Mae Rose's back yard, but be careful where you walk lest you step in one of Muffin's contributions to the landscape.

The property abuts on a little park with many poinciana plants and a row of Port-O-Potties funded by a Federal UDAG Grant.

Megan smiles. She likes that line. She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath to relax. Writing is hard work.

One day, Mae Rose, dressed in a floral muu-muu, stands on her back deck smoking a cigarette waiting for Muffin to contribute to the landscape. Suddenly, the doorbell rings. "Emily!" shrieks Mae Rose. "Answer the gawdamn door!"

Setting aside the Susan B. Anthony doll she found in the neighbors' trash, Emily shuffles down the hall to the door; she has a club foot, and Mae Rose's ex-husband refuses to pay for corrective surgery. "I have to pay alimony, child support and fix her gimp?" he complains. "Forget it!"

Emily opens the door; a man wearing a white shirt and tie stands on the stoop. He holds a clipboard. "Hello, may I speak with your Mom or Dad", he asks pleasantly.

"My Dad ain't here."

"Okay, can I speak to your Mom?"

Emily screams in the general direction of the back yard. "Mom! Some guy wants you!"

Mae Rose screams back. "Who is it?"

"I dunno."

"What does he want?"

"How the fuck should I know?"

"Tell him to wait a minute!" Muffin needs a little more time.

Dahlia appears next to Emily. "Hi, I'm Dahlia," she says to the man.

"Hello, Dahlia."

"I'll blow you for twenty dollars."

"Um, not right now, I'm working."

"This evening, around eight, then? I'll be out back, near the Port-O-Potties."

Mae Rose appears. "Whattaya want?"

"Hello, Mrs. Owens, I work for the city, and I'm checking for sinkholes. Do you have any sinkholes to report?"

"You're checking for what?"

"For sinkholes."

"What's a sinkhole?"

"Ah," says the man, warming to his favorite subject. "A sinkhole, also known as a sink, swallow hole, shakehole, swallet or doline, is a depression or hole in the ground caused by some form of collapse of the surface layer. Some are caused by karst processes—for example, the chemical dissolution of carbonate rocks or suffosion processes in sandstone. Sinkholes may vary in size from 1 to 600 meters both in diameter and depth, and vary in form from soil-lined bowls to bedrock-edged chasms. Sinkholes may be formed gradually or suddenly, and are found worldwide. The different terms for sinkholes are often used interchangeably."

"Oh," says Mae Rose. "We ain't got none of those."

"Do you mind if I check out back? It will just take a few minutes."

Mae Rose shrugs. "Knock yourself out. Watch your step." She slams the door.

Retrieving his sinkhole detector -- a long stick -- from the truck, the man walks gingerly around the back of the house and towards the sycamore. Muffin greets him. "Hey, mister!" says Muffin. "Nice stick you got there. Want to play fetch?"

"Wow, a talking dog," says the man.

"And talking humans, too," says Muffin. "Isn't that precious."

"I'm checking for sinkholes, seen any around here lately?"

"No, but come back Friday morning, we're expecting a doozie."

"Hey, thanks for the tip."

"Don't mention it. Also you just stepped in one of my larger works from last March."

Megan's phone rings. It's Roderick.
"Hi Megan."

"Hi Roderick."

"Can you come over? The Richters are here, and we need a fifth for Geschichte der Schweizer Eisenbahnen. We're playing the strip variation."

"I don't really understand how to play that game, but of course I'll be right there," purrs Megan.

In the Smith's living room, Roderick sits on the floor with Molly and the Richter twins, Otto and Berolina. Berolina has prepared for the game by wearing many layers of clothing, plus bling. Molly wears a single garment, a blue dress that she ordinarily would never wear, but Molly likes the challenge of high-stakes strip Geschichte der Schweizer Eisenbahnen.

The doorbell rings; Roderick answers. It's Megan.