Tuesday morning in Santa Margherita: Mr. Bloom approaches the hotel receptionist, a stunning buxom blonde in a pert uniform, complete with exposed cleavage.
"Um...mi pardonnez por excusa...onde está la stanza di Frühstückraum?". Mr. Bloom is quite proud of his mastery of a phrase in Santa Margheritesque.
The receptionist stares at him blankly, then smiles. "Good morning, Mr. Bloom", she says, gesturing. "How are you this morning? Breakfast is served right over there", she points, a lacquered fingernail directing Mr. Bloom thataway. She says this with a lilting, "come-hither" manner that makes Mr. Bloom wonder if she wants to supplement her income.
"Merci obrigado gesundheit" murmurs Mr. Bloom as he slithers away. The receptionist stares uncomprehendingly.
The loose morals of Santa Margherita citizens make them a perfect target market for the new Wickets WTF? campaign, which promotes thongs and other garments whose price is indirectly related to the quantity of fabric contained therein. Santa Margheritans are known everywhere for their fashion awareness, and willing to spend well beyond their means for highly au courant togs to shed at a moments notice. (This makes Santa Margherita an ideal market for fashion merchandisers, but less attractive for banks offering credit cards).
For similar reasons, Santa Margherita is an ideal market for condoms.com. Business prospects for condoms.com in Santa Margherita are enhanced by the local ban on retail sale of birth control devices of any kind. This law is based on Santa Margherita's strong commitment to family values, under which promiscuity is perfectly acceptable as long as it is sinful.
Attractive prospects for business in Santa Margherita are even more compelling for Beauneville businesses due to the trade subsidies written into the American Motherhood and Apple Pie Act (an act authorizing Federal defense spending for 1954) by Congressman Elmore Bigelow Butts and not since repealed.
Over breakfast -- which he ordered by pointing to items on the menu -- Mr. Bloom ponders how best to position Wicketts in the local market. A literal translation of WTF in Santa Margheritesque -- ?ce qué baisser cogida fucky-fuck? -- lacks a certain ring. Mr. Bloom continues to ponder this as he contemplates the waitress' buttocks and wonders if she has a nice personality.
