After breakfast Wednesday morning, Mr. Bloom ventures to meet with the publisher of Voom!, the hottest celebrity fashion website in Santa Margherita.
Traffic in Santa Margherita is notorious; between the booming population, collapsing infrastructure and random acts of violence perpetrated by drug kingpins, driving anywhere is an adventure. Today is no exception; the journey across town takes three hours. Mr. Bloom considered walking, but the heat and humidity are not for the faint-hearted; the car is air-conditioned, and the driver is a buxom blonde with an imperfect command of English, but Mr. Bloom doesn't mind since she's buxom and blonde.
"You like-a ze Santa Margherita, ja?" she asks, glancing in the rear-view mirror.
"Why, yes", says Mr. Bloom. "It's lovely". He can see from the taxi license that her name is Sofia Marie-Therese Alvarez von Zickboom, that she is twenty one years old, and that complaints about her driving should be directed to the Ministry of the Interior, Secretariat of Hackney Inspections, where they will be filed and forgotten.
"You stay long-a time, non?" she inquires.
"Well, um, yes, I mean no, just five days". Mr. Bloom wonders if she wants to supplement her income.
"You worka for ze Amerikaner beezness, ja?"
"Yes, I'm in advertising. I represent condoms.com and Wicketts Bazaar".
Sofia blushes red as a cherry. "Ohhh, zee condoms, zey are illeegal, we like-a zeebeaucoup!", she says, secretively. "And zee Weeketts, zey sell ze bikini, eez ferry zeeenful, I like-a", she says, gesturing and posturing her ample cleavage. Mr. Bloom agrees with Sofia that condoms are useful and bikinis are nice, and he definitely thinks that if she wants to supplement her income she could do so, amply.
At this moment, they arrive at the Voom! building. Mr. Bloom pays the fare in local currency -- forty-seven billion zblini -- and steps out of the car. "Ciao!", purrs Sofia, lingeringly, as if she can't bear to part. Mr. Bloom waves, as he gingerly strolls through the plaza, taking care not to step on homeless people, Occupy Santa Margherita protestors or the many piles of dog poop that litter the sidewalk.
The offices of Voom! are exactly what you would expect of the leading fashion and celebrity website in a country obsessed with fashion and celebrity. Staid and magisterial, the Voom! building served originally as the Bank of Santa Margherita before the Revolution of 1926, after which the National Republo-Democratic People's Party of National Unity (PNRDZNPU, known locally as "PinRidZinPoo") occupied the place and used it as headquarters. For sixty years, Santa Margherita was largely a one-party state -- I say "largely" because while other parties were technically legal, adherents thereto tended to disappear.
Happily, those days are long gone -- voters threw out PinRidZinPoo in the elections of 1986 in a great victory for capitalism, beaches and loose morals, and what's good for capitalism is good for Voom! Starting out as a glossy weekly mag, Voom! beat the other celebrity and fashion rags to the digital media party, so now Voom! owns the clicks and eyeballs of Santa Margheritans,and they are sticky eyeballs to boot -- or so says Mindy Megan Africa Clausewitz du Monde, publisher of Voom!, who now stands statuesquely in the center of Voom!'s reception area in a skin-tight Juan Carlos Obando original, her hand extended to Mr. Bloom.
Mr. Bloom decides to drop the pretense of knowing how to say anything in Santa Margheritesque. "Hi", he says, eyeballing Miss du Monde's lovely curvy figure, which is amply revealed by her sleeveless dress.
"Pleasure to meet you", murmurs Miss du Monde. "I'm sure we will do wonderful business together".
Mr. Bloom is impressed by how nice Miss du Monde is, and all of the people in Santa Margherita, all of whom seem to want to supplement their income.
