Life unfolds in unexpected ways. Megan Cupcake enrolled at Old Ivy expecting to hook up with Roderick and also expecting that her novel, inspired by Jane Austen and E.L. James, would draw attention as 'the exciting first novel by the young, red-haired and buxom Megan Cupcake, who wears a Glock strapped to her hip and is also young, red-haired and buxom'.
Instead, inspired by her presentation ('Just Blow Their Heads Off') at Anti-Rape Week, interest in Chicks With Glocks has exploded. Megan has requests from college campuses across the country, and next week she plans to travel to Lake City University to address the local chapter.
Wow, thinks Megan, as she waits for Mary Bloom to show up at the Cafe Venice on Main Street. Sure didn't take long to morph from hot and sexy scribe of historico-sado-masochistic-erotic novels to hot and sexy gun rights advocate.
And, on the romantic front, things are looking pretty good with Henry Witherspoon, at least in Megan's imagination. They haven't actually fornicated yet. In fact, they haven't so much as conversed, although so far as Megan is concerned, the former does not require the latter. But Megan thinks that Henry will be a much better meal ticket than Roderick. Not that Roderick won't be a good earner, but Megan figures that Molly won't want to share his income and assets, which is the downside of being second girlfriend.
Mary Bloom arrives, out of breath. "Sorry to be late," she pants, removing her jacket and placing it on the chair next to Megan. "Virgin Club ran late."
"Speaking of which..." says Megan, sliding one of Dr. Graft's cards across the table. Earlier in the week, Megan emailed Mary a link to a story about a Brazilian woman who auctioned her virginity for $780,000.
Mary examines Dr. Graft's card. "Hymen restoration? I don't get it."
Megan leans forward conspiratorially. "You pay Dr. Graft five hundred bucks, he fixes up your ladyparts like new. Then, you put them up for auction."
"Ohhhhh, I see." Mary ponders. "Wow, $750,000. I could almost pay for college with that."
"Possibly, if you go to a cheap college."
"Right."
"And here's the best thing" Megan whispers. "You can do it more than once!"
Mary's eyes widen in amazement. "Wow, I never thought of that." She checks her watch. "Oops, I have to run. 'Business appointment', you know," she says, using her fingers to signify scare quotes around the words 'business appointment'.
"Do you need a lift somewhere?"
Mary does need a lift, to Mr. Swift's house, where she is expected for a regular 'business appointment' that generally includes a bit of discipline. While no cash changes hands, Mary maintains her status on the honor roll, at least so far as Mr. Swift's classes are concerned.
After dropping off Mary, Megan motors over to Henry Witherspoon's house to see if he is home for the weekend. She rings the doorbell, and Mrs. Witherspoon answers.
"Hi, I'm Megan, is Henry here?"
"Yes, Megan, come in."
Megan steps into the foyer while Mrs. Witherspoon calls up the stairs. "Henry! There's a friend here to see you!"
After a brief wait, Henry descends halfway down the stairs and bends over to see who is waiting for him. "Um, hi," he says, descending the rest of the way. "It's Megan isn't it?"
"Ooh, I'm so excited that you remembered my name" coos Megan. "I just thought I'd come over and see if you want to, you know..." Megan leaves the sentence unfinished, but there is no mistaking her meaning.
"Well, um, I'm working on Tax Policy right now."
"Ooooh, Tax Policy, tell me about Tax Policy..."
So Henry and Megan sit down and Henry shares his thoughts on accelerated depreciation, tax-loss carryforwards and multinational accounting. Megan understands none of it, of course, but openly admires Henry for being such a big and strong tax accountant. And he must need a back rub because he carries the weight of so much Tax Policy on his shoulders. So she gives him one, with the caution that there will be no sex on the first date because her inner thigh is still pretty tender from that surgery.
