The Lamb of God is Tasty

Today is Misericordias Domini, the second Sunday after Easter, also known as the Feast of Our Lady Mother of the Good Shepherd. At Saint Cecilia Chapel, the Old Ivy Bach Chorale performs the Bach Cantata BWV 104 Du Hirte Israel, Höre, (which translates as You Shepherd of Israel, Hear). One of the ringers sings the Tenor solo and Zack sings the Bass solo. There are no solos for women in this cantata, so Zack fondles Emily's buttocks during the opening Chorale.

Mr. Fribble of the Theology faculty delivers the inspirational message, the title of which is Lamb of God: Tasty when Roasted and Served with Mint Jelly and Garlic Sauce.

He begins by reading the text for the day, the pericope of the Good Shepherd from the Book of John:

I am the good shepherd: the good shepherd giveth his life for the sheep.

But he that is an hireling, and not the shepherd, whose own the sheep are not, seeth the wolf coming, and leaveth the sheep, and fleeth: and the wolf catcheth them, and scattereth the sheep.

The hireling fleeth, because he is an hireling, and careth not for the sheep.

I am the good shepherd, and know my sheep, and am known of mine.

As the Father knoweth me, even so know I the Father: and I lay down my life for the sheep.

And other sheep I have, which are not of this fold: them also I must bring, and they shall hear my voice; and there shall be one fold, and one shepherd.

Mr. Fribble closes the Bible and addresses the congregation. "In these verses, Jesus gives us some great advice. First, if you want something done right, do it yourself. If you hire some dude to watch the sheep and a wolf shows up, he's just going to scram his ass out of there. What does he care? They're your sheep, not his.

"Unless, of course, you can hire Jesus to watch the sheep because he's really good at watching sheep. But you can't, because he died a couple of thousand years ago. And yes, I know he was resurrected, but he's just not available for jobs like sheep-watching. It's like what Mrs. Fribble says about finding good domestic help. A good cleaning lady is hard to find, and they don't do windows."

He pauses to sip from a glass of water.

"The other point is that if you're going to watch the sheep, carry a large gun, because wolves are badass motherfuckers.

"For more detail, buy my book, The Bible: Good News and Good Advice. It's 19.99 on Amazon, or if you come and see me in my office you can have a signed copy for $29.99."

Roderick makes a mental note to check it out on Amazon. He figures that Mr. Fribble's signature isn't worth ten dollars.

After the service, Roderick, Molly, Megan, Anna, Zack, Emily and the two tenors stroll over to the Old Ivy Inn for Sunday brunch. Today, the subject of discussion is History.

While chewing on a bite of omelet, Roderick wonders: "Why doesn't anyone ever talk about the good things Hitler did?"

Anna, who is beautifully dressed in a spring floral outfit, sips her tea. "Possibly because he was a genocidal dictator and demagogue who launched a program of murder directed against Jews."

Megan chimes in. "And the Romany. Hitler killed the Romany, too." Megan is up on Romany facts.

"And the Poles," says Emily.

One of the tenors speaks up. "Hitler killed homosexuals, too."

"Also," says Anna, "Hitler launched a war leading to the death and displacement of millions plus widespread destruction from the Atlantic to the Volga."

Roderick frowns. "Yes, yes, yes" he says. "But I mean, aside from all that."