If Logic is the King of knowledge at Old Ivy, Rhetoric is the Queen. Logic teaches the student to distinguish sense from nonsense; Rhetoric teaches the student to speak and write persuasively, with clarity and force. Without this knowledge, the student cannot apply what he has learned.
The Rhetoric exam is also in seven parts covering the essential elements of persuasive speech as well as the history of Rhetoric in Western Civilization. The first exam covers Aristotle's Art of Rhetoric, with a short historical review of the Sophists, Isocrates and Plato. The second exam covers Cicero, Quintilian and Byzantine rhetoric.
Mr. McCluhan's Foundations of Rhetoric class covers the first two parts of the exam. It meets on Tuesdays and Thursdays at nine thirty in the Main Lecture Hall. Roderick, Molly and Megan arrive early and sit near the podium as the class gathers.
At precisely nine thirty, Mr. McLuhan enters the room and strides to the podium, opens his briefcase and pulls out a piece of paper. Walking to the front of the stage, he raises his hand. The hubbub ceases.
"I am Mr. McLuhan and this is Foundations of Rhetoric. In this class, we teach by immersion". He squints at the paper. "Miss Cupcake!"
Slightly startled, Megan raises her hand. "Here."
Mr. McLuhan gestures toward the podium. "Step to the podium, please."
Megan wants to hide. "Me?" she whimpers.
"Is there another Miss Cupcake in the room?"
Resigned to her fate, Megan proceeds to the podium as if to the gallows.
"Thank you, Miss Cupcake. I see that you are carrying a weapon."
"Yes, sir."
"So I presume you support the right to bear arms?"
"Yes, sir."
Mr. McLuhan turns to the class. "How many of you agree that there is an individual right to bear arms?" A smattering of hands go up, about a third of the class. He counts the hands. "...twenty-three, twenty-four...and three in the back make twenty-seven. Thank you, hands down." He turns back to Megan at the podium. "Your assignment is to persuade the class that there is an individual right to bear arms. You have three minutes. Go."
Megan turns beet red. "Um....well....I guess there is, like, a...you know...right to bear arms because it says so in the Constitution...and an armed society is a polite society...my gun makes me feel safe, because if some pervert tries to fondle me I can blow him away... not that I've ever done that, but there's always the potential because I'm kind of hot, you know..."
Precisely three minutes into her speech, Mr. McLuhan yells "Stop!". He turns to the class. "How many of you agree that there is an individual right to bear arms?" Twenty-seven hands go up. Mr. McLuhan turns back to Megan. "Looks like you haven't persuaded anyone, and failed the assignment. Sit down."
Megan slinks back to her seat.
After class, Roderick, Molly and Megan visit the chapel where Mr. Pipes, the Old Ivy organist, plays the chorale prelude Dies sind die heil'gen zehn Gebot from the Orgelbuchlein of J.S. Bach. Roderick commiserates with Megan.
"That was harsh".
Megan says nothing, but Roderick can see she is about to cry. He agrees that she is really hot, noticing that her top two buttons are unbuttoned revealing her ample decolletage. He turns back to Molly, who is completely rapt by Mr. Pipes' clever articulation of the cantus firmus.
"Have you ever considered playing the organ?" he asks.
"I'm thinking about it", says Molly.
Later in the afternoon, Roderick stops by Mr. Strnk's office, but he is still out sick.
