The Bedford Glen School Board met for an emergency closed session in the Diversity War Room. Mr. Cheeseman presided. Thirteen members of the Board attended -- a mix of men and women, white, black, asian, hispanic, elderly and disabled. One of the women is a lesbian, but we won't say which one.
OK, it's the big muscular one in the butch haircut dressed head to toe in a black leather "Dykes on Bikes" outfit.
Mr. Cheeseman addressed the assembled panel. "This morning", he began, ominously, "one of our Assistant Principals found this iPod in the possession of a diversity perp". He held the iPod at arms length and walked around the well of the room so all members of the Board could see it.
"Now I'm going to play some of what we found, but I need to warn you -- this is shocking stuff." He placed the iPod in a Bose SoundDock and hit "play".
Members of the Board strained to listen. They heard a piano play, then the mellifluous baritone of Dietrich Fischer-Dieskau singing "Im wonderschonen Monet Mai..." from Robert Schumann's Dichterliebe...
The room erupted.
Miss Dykes on Bykes cringed. "Turn it off! Turn it off!"
A large black woman put her hands over her ears.
A distinguished gentleman in a wheelchair just stared.
"Carumba!", said the Latino man, breaking his pencil in twain.
An asian man stood erect, bowed curtly and left the room.
A middle-aged white man in a suit and tie muttered "My daughter better not be involved in this".
Another man demanded: "Where did you get this?"
A woman in a business suit shook her fist. "Shocking!", she shouted.
Mr. Cheeseman stopped the playback and held up his hand for order. "Okay, okay. I understand. This is disturbing stuff, I know. I'd hate to think what would happen if my own kids were into this". He paused, and seemed to reflect a little before continuing. "But we have this under control".
Several members of the Board interrupted. "What?" "How?"
Mr. Cheeseman held up his hand again for quiet. "The girl who owned the iPod is in Diversity right now, and we're deprogramming her. We have the best people working on this, and when they're done with her she will love Lady Gaga like any normal teen. As to the people who are spreading this, well, let me just tell you they'd best not show their faces in Bedford Glen."
The door to the War Room opened, and a man in black entered. Wordlessly, he approached Mr. Cheeseman with a note. Mr. Cheeseman unfolded the note, read it, folded it back and nodded to the man, who exited. While this took place, members of the Board talked amoung themselves nervously.
Once again, Mr. Cheeseman stepped forward and called for order. "Uh, people, I have some new information here, and, um, we found another one".
