Tuesday, September 21, 2010

The Faculty Are Shocked

The English faculty of Beauneville Latin -- Mr. Swift and Mr. Cooper -- are shocked to learn that some of their students are KulturPunks.

Mr. Swift picked up one of the essays, by Justine Goodheart, a ninth grader, and began to read:
This summer I moved to Beauneville. My parents died in a car accident in the town where we used to live, so my older sister Juliette and I are orphans.
"Trite beginning", muttered Mr. Swift to himself. He wrote this on the paper with his red pen.

The judge in Probate Court said we should live with my mother's parents, who live on Fairview Avenue. They are very nice people and their house is huge, but they are quite elderly and hardly able to manage.

Juliette and I spent the summer mostly with each other because we are shy and don't know anyone else in town. Every morning, I scrubbed the ground floor and made breakfast for everyone while Juliette made the beds. In the afternoon, Juliette dusted the living room and made dinner while I cleaned the bathrooms. In the evening, we sang duets for my grandmother and grandfather until they fell asleep. Then we tucked ourselves in bed.
Wielding his red pen, Mr. Swift wrote silly sentimental pap.
I'm glad that we moved to a small town, because we used to live in a small town, so I'm just a poor innocent girl who doesn't know much about life.
At the bottom of the page, Mr. Swift wrote:

Justine,
We should discuss your writing skills. I believe that you will benefit from special tutoring to help you get up to the same level as the other students. Come and see me at my home this evening at seven.
Justine read this in class and smiled. What a nice teacher, she thought. I hope Grandma and Grandpa don't mind if Juliette sings solo tonight.

Meanwhile, Mary Bloom, who sat behind Justine, read the following note on her paper:
A+. Outstanding essay. I hope you don't mind, though, if we don't publish yours. There are just so many good ones.
Mary didn't mind at all. She smiled, too.

After class, as Mary and Justine prepared to go to Mr. Clio's History class, Mary introduced herself.

"Um...hi...my name is Mary".

"Um...hi."

"What's your name?"

"Um...oh, I'm Justine".

"Are you new here?"

"Yes."

Mary and Justine bonded instantly. Mary, pretty, shy and earnest but not very bright, sensed a common bond with Justine, who is pretty, shy and innocent, a little smarter than Mary, but not by much. The common bond, of course, was shyness, which made for uninteresting dialogue, but they also shared prettiness and an absence of brightness, which made for intriguing possibilities.

Meanwhile, in Mr. Gibbon's American History class, Roderick noticed Juliette for the first time. She had been in class since the first day of school, but she was so quiet that Roderick simply hadn't noticed. After class, he introduced himself.

"Hello, my name is Roderick. You're new in school, aren't you?"

Juliette instinctively made a gesture to cover her breasts with her arms. "Um...hi...I'm Juliette".

"Let me introduce you to a few people. This is Molly..." He gestured toward Molly, who was kind of distracted at the moment, and is kind of shy anyway, so she just sort of waved.

"...and this is BiBi..." He ushered Bibi forward, who eagerly accosted the newcomer.

"You like ze massage, yes? Come over to my house after school, ve do ze sauna, ve do ze hot tub, I give you ze massage, yes?"

"Um..OK, said Juliette. She hoped Grandma and Grandpa wouldn't mind if Justine sings solo tonight.

"...and this is Megan." Megan smiled thinly and eyed the new girl, wryly.

After lunch, Mary and Justine sat together in Miss Agassiz's class. Miss Agassiz returned the homework from the weekend. Justine's paper had some red marks, plus a yellow sticky with a nice note: please try harder. On Mary's paper, Miss Agassiz had circled problem three in red, placed a big red X over the problem, and attached a terse note: see me.

Later that day, after Latin class, Justine asked Mary if they could walk home together.

"Um..no, I have to go see Miss Agassiz", said Mary, shyly. She walked across the hall and knocked tentatively on the door to Miss Agassiz's office.

We shall spare the reader the details of what took place in Miss Agassiz's office. Suffice to say that Miss Agassiz demonstrated an important scientific principle: that the punishment is not always proportional to the crime.

That evening, after dinner, Justine and Juliette set out for their respective destinations. Juliette went to Bibi's house on Elm Street, while Justine walked to Mr. Swift's house on Quince Street.

Shyly, Justine knocked on Mr. Swift's door.