On Sunday morning, the Blooms woke early, ate breakfast and dressed for church. Mary made the beds, cooked breakfast for everyone, cleaned the dishes, then dressed in a pure white dress. She braided little flowers into her hair, then ran next door to check on Mrs. Peacock.
Mrs. Peacock was dressed and waiting for church. She hugged Mary. "You look so fresh and pure!" Mary beamed.
Today, the Church of Nothing will celebrate Virgin Pride. Girls who take the virginity pledge will be honored before the congregation. Boys will be ignored.
Because it is such a special day, Mr. Bloom has arranged for a white limousine to take the family to church. The Smiths meet them there; the Smiths don't ordinarily attend, but this is a special day for Mary and they want to share her joy. Everyone pauses on the front steps of the church for a picture with the minister, and the Church's National Virginity Campaign coordinator, Miss Jungfrau.
The readings in church today celebrate virginity. One is from the Hindu Purana, the other is from Dr. Phil.
In his sermon, the Reverend Kierkegaard celebrates Virginity. Something about how all girls start out as virgins, but most don't stay that way, and whatever. We're not judging anyone, but Virginity is nice. Also, there is this Christian thing about the Virgin Birth, which we Church of Nothing adherents don't really get, and suspect is just a misunderstanding.
Before the offering, girls taking the Virginity Pledge are called to the front of the church. Mary and five other girls rise nervously, walk forward and stand in a row before the alter facing the congregation. Miss Jungfrau reads a proclamation, reads their names aloud, and walks along the row greeting each girl in turn and presenting a "V" necklace. Mary, who is truly glowing, bows her head to accept her necklace.
The choir and congregation sing a hymn: "Hooray for Virginity! Kumbayah!"
After church, the limo takes the Blooms, Smiths and Mrs. Peacock to the Red Trolley for a celebration brunch. Everyone has a little gift for Mary. Roderick gives her a picture of the goddess Durga, who some believe is in a perpetual state of virginity; she also has ten arms, which is handy when cleaning. Molly gives Mary a little reproduction of the stone lingam and yoni from the Cat Tien sanctuary in Vietnam. Mary passes her gifts around; everyone has fun removing the lingam from the yoni and putting it back in, with appropriate exclamations and sound effects.
Mary decided to broach a certain subject. "Daddy, can you be my pimp?"
Mr. Bloom wrinkled his brow and weighed a response. On the one hand, he does have many contacts from his advertising business, and they like to have a good time. On the other hand, it's not a great idea to mix business and family matters.
Before he could respond, Mrs. Bloom interjected. "You're not quite old enough for that just yet."
Mary protested. "But I'll be fifteen in January!".
Mrs. Bloom held her ground. "You need to be sixteen in this state to get a work permit. And you really do need to get those grades up first, young lady", she admonished.
Mary flushed a little and looked down. She knew Mrs. Bloom was right about the grades. Mary tries to do all of her assignments, but it's hard because she really isn't very smart. Also, she daydreams in class about romance, about travel to far-off places, but mostly about sex.
Mr. Smith tried to be helpful. "Talk to your teachers and try to get some extra help. Also, perhaps Roderick can help you with some of your classes. Right, Roderick?"
"Sure!", said Roderick, who didn't need to have his arm twisted. He wouldn't at all mind tutoring Mary. She's such a nice girl.
Mary smiled.
Later that day, Mary went to the Cafe Venice, where she "accidentally" found her English teacher, Mr. Swift, sipping espresso and working on his blog, Tales of Wragby Hall. The encounter was "accidental" in the sense that Mary wished it to appear so, though she knew for certain where she could find Mr. Swift at that day and time.
"Um, hi Mr. Swift, it's me, Mary Bloom", she said, with all the faux shyness she could muster. "I'm in your ninth grade English class..."
"Oh, uh, yes Mary, hi" said Mr. Swift, standing and shaking her hand. He motioned for her to sit down at the table. She did so, gingerly, at the edge of her seat. She had changed out of her white dress and now wore a white blouse and plaid kilt, with wool stockings, in "schoolgirl" style. It's not clear why this is called the "schoolgirl" look, since actual schoolgirls wear skimpy halter tops and low cut jeans that display their tramp stamps.
"Um, I was wondering...my Mom and Dad said I should talk to you..it's like, I try to do my assignments, but it's really hard, and, well, I was wondering, um, if I could come and see you for some extra help".
Mr. Swift looked serious and professional. "Yes, of course, Mary", he said. "Come to my office after school on Monday".
"Um, I was wondering...I have to go see Miss Agassiz on Monday... could I possibly come to see you later this afternoon? Around four?"
Mr. Swift hesitated, then relaxed. "Sure", he said. He scribbled something on a piece of paper and passed it over to her. "Here's my address. Quince Street, near Sixteenth, three blocks from school".
Mary clutched the paper and pretended she did not already know Mr. Swift's address. "Thank you, Mr. Swift. I'm going to try real hard to do well in school this year."
"Mmm-mm", said Mr.Swift. He had already returned to his blog.
