The Old Ivy Bach Chorale performs every Sunday in St. Cecelia Chapel just off the Quad. Students at Old Ivy come from diverse faiths; from the Church of Nothing, the Church of Anything and the Church of Whatever, as well as more orthodox faiths such as the Unitarians. Not wishing to rekindle religious wars, the Founders dedicated the Chapel to St. Cecelia, patron saint of music, arguing that while people may not agree about eschatology or transubstantiation, everyone likes a good tune.
Mr. Mendelssohn likes to say that the Chapel's music program reflects all the religious traditions and cultures of the world, "as long as it's J.S.Bach." The weekly program follows a standard format appropriate for the Liturgical calendar. Mr. Pipes, college organist, opens with a Bach Chorale Prelude played on the Chapel's grand Hook and Hastings pipe organ, gifted to the college by August Beaune and dedicated on the first Sunday of Advent, 1878. Immediately following the Prelude, the Bach Chorale performs a cantata, motet or Mass, after which a member of the college community offers a brief inspirational sermon. Services close with another performance on the organ.
Today is the seventh Sunday of Trinity. Mr. Pipes opens with a selection from Bach's Orgelbuchlein, the inspiring Alle Menschen Müssen Sterben ('All Men Must Die'). Next, Mr. Mendelssohn steps to the podium and the Bach Chorale -- minus Anna and Roderick -- performs the cantata BWV 54Widerstehe doch der Sünde ('Resist Sin'), during which Zack Hagen's hand rests firmly on Emily Scharf's buttocks.
Mr. Shrink of the Psychology department offers today's inspirational message, the title of which is Nobody Cares About Your Sexual Orientation, So Shut Up About It Already.
Mr. Pipes closes with the closing movement of Bach's Trio Sonata BWV 525 in E-flat major.
Meanwhile, in Beauneville, Roderick and Mr. Smith sit on the front porch after breakfast. It's a clear, crisp Fall day. The leaves have turned color, but are still on the trees.
Mr. Smith inquires about Roderick's social life at school.
"It's fine, but a little different from Latin." Roderick refers, of course, to Beauneville Latin.
"How so?"
"Well...the women are kind of aggressive, if you know what I mean." Roderick tells his Dad about Emily Scharf.
Mr. Smith chuckles. "Yes, I see what you mean."
"And that's not all." Roderick tells Mr. Smith what Zack and Dr. Cuspid told him about women desiring men who sing.
"Yes, that's true," says Mr. Smith. "It's biological."
"They also say that girls who pose in the nude for Human Figure class are pushovers."
"And you're thinking about Molly."
"Right."
"I don't think you have anything to worry about with Molly. If my instincts are correct, she's hot for exactly one person, and that's you."
"Thanks, Dad."
"When did you start singing."
"I was kind of dragged into it. Actually, I'd rather play the clarinet."
"Don't let people suck you into stuff your'e not interested in doing. Stick to what you like and you'll go far in life."
"Thanks again, Dad."
Later, Roderick and Anna are eating Sunday supper with the Blooms. Mr. and Mrs. Bloom sit at each end of the table; Roderick, Molly and Anna sit on one side of the table in that order, and Mary, Margaret and Catherine on the other side. Mr. Fuzzums and Miss Kitty take their usual positions underneath Catherine's chair.
"I'm having a nice day," says Catherine. Everyone ignores her except Mr. Fuzzums, who is a good listener.
Everyone joins hands and Mary, dressed in her "Sexy Maid" outfit, says grace. "Bless this Tofu Surprise, O Nothing, and Mommy who made it and protect us from sexually-transmitted diseases and unwanted pregnancy. Amen."
"Amen!" says everyone except Mr. Fuzzums and Miss Kitty, who prefer to communicate in other ways.
Molly clears her throat. "Roderick and I have a little announcement to make."
"There's a clinic in Stapleton for that," says Mary. "I have the number."
"We're now officially boyfriend and girlfriend," says Molly shyly.
"Try not to get pregnant, dear," says Mrs. Bloom between bites.
Mr. Bloom slaps Roderick on the back. "Congratulations, son! It's about time you started banging her!"
Roderick wants to say that sexual intercourse remains in the future, but just smiles.
On the way back to Old Ivy, Roderick and Molly sit in the back seat again and hold hands. They look at each other and smile.
