Mr. and Mrs. Smith rarely go to church on Sunday. Mr. Smith likes to say his form of worship is to sit on the porch and sip a cup of coffee, and Mrs. Smith -- well, she's just not very devout.
The Blooms, on the other hand, are pillars of the Church of Nothing, attending each Sunday like clockwork in their Sunday finest. Well, not exactly; Mr. and Mrs. Bloom wear their Sunday finest and Mary wears her long white "virgin" dress, but Molly, Margaret and Catherine wear whatever. Mr. Fuzzums and Miss Kitty have no real control over their attire, but are very respectful in church.
Roderick, Molly, Anna, Megan and Natasha gather together with the Smiths and Blooms outside the St. Cecilia Chapel. They all greet one another cheerfully.
"Natasha, how are Felix and Fanny?" Mrs. Smith wants to know.
"They were fine yesterday when I skyped them," says Natasha. "Mrs. Pampers has everything under control."
"You're so brave going back to school, being a single Mom and all."
Natasha looks off into the distance. "It's a struggle...."
Roderick and Anna walk around to the back of the chapel where the Bach Chorale gathers. Mr. Mendelssohn reviews a few points for today's performance and the singers warm up.
Meanwhile, the others walk reverently into the chapel, looking around, craning their necks to admire the stained glass, the darkly carved wood and the impressive chapel vault. They take their seats about midway to the front, on the right hand side, sitting in order: Mr. Smith, Mrs. Smith, Molly, Mrs. Bloom, Mary, Mr. Bloom, Megan, Natasha, Margaret, Catherine, Mr. Fuzzums and Miss Kitty.
As Mr. Pipes begins the Prelude Megan removes her Glock from its holster and places it next to the hymnals with a clunk. The girls giggle and the grown-ups shoosh.
Mrs. Smith whispers to Molly: "How are you getting along with Roderick?"
Molly smiles and, while she says nothing, conveys the message that all is well, they are very happy to be together in college.
Mr. Bloom noodges Megan. "There's that boy I told you about." He gestures toward Albert, who sits a few rows ahead.
Megan turns up her nose. "I have a boyfriend, thank you very much."
Mary overhears the conversation. "Daddy, he looks so pathetic," she whispers. "Maybe I should have given him a discount."
Mr. Bloom leans closer. "That's the worst thing you can do, honey. It's all about branding. People value what they can't afford. If you start giving out freebies, nobody will want to pay for it anymore. They'll just say you're a slut."
Mrs. Bloom whispers: "Father knows best, dear."
Mary sighs. Daddy is so smart. She thinks maybe she would like to go into Advertising when she's older, after she's too old to sell access to her pussy for cash. Like maybe when she's twenty two.
The congregants fall silent as the members of the Bach Chorale file in and take their places in the choir. Today is the eighth Sunday of Trinity; keeping with the liturgical calendar, the Chorale performs Bach's cantata BWV 136, Erforsch Mich, Gott und Erfahre Mein Herz.
When the Chorale finshes, Mr. V.I.Kamasutra of the Philosophy department makes his way to the altar to deliver an inspirational message on predestination. Today's theme: Everything is Predetermined, So Give Up.
Mr. Pipes plays another Bach Chorale Prelude, and the service is finished. The congregants file past Mr. Kamasutra for a handshake and greeting on the way out:
"So nice to see you."
"So nice to see you."
"So nice to see you."
"Lovely sermon, Mr. Kamasutra."
"Thank you. So nice to see you."
"So nice to see you."
In the crowd outside, Molly cranes her neck looking for Roderick and Anna. Spying Albert, she grabs Natasha's hand and leads her over to greet him.
"Albert, I'd like you to meet Natasha. She's an artist"
"Nice to meet you, Natasha." Albert extends his hand
Natasha smiles. "Hi."
There is a slightly awkward moment as Albert and Natasha search for conversation. Molly escapes.
Natasha breaks the ice. "So I understand you're desperate for sex."
Albert nods. "Yes, I am in a bit of a jam."
"How much time to we have?"
"I'll be twenty-one in November."
Later that day, after the Blooms and Smith depart for the trip back to Beauneville, Roderick works quietly at his desk. Outside, there is a furious thunderstorm.
Someone knocks on his door. He answers; it's Emily Scharf, looking fetching in a revealing nightgown. She pushes inside.
"Roderick, can I sleep with you, I'm afraid of the thunder."
"Um, OK." Hopefully, Megan took a sleeping pill.
Promptly, Emily's nightgown drops to the floor. "Do you mind if I sleep like this? It relaxes me." By like this, Emily means completely nude.
"Um, no. I was about to go to bed myself." Roderick turns off the light and slips under the covers with Emily.
Suddenly, there is a lightning flash, followed closely by a clap of thunder. Emily snuggles closer. "Ooooh, I'm afraid," she coos.
Roderick ponders whether Emily is girlfriend number three. Not officially, of course.
