Roderick writes:
On June 1, 1812, James Madison asked Congress to declare war on Great Britain. Madison wanted to pump up war fever to ensure re-election, invade Canada, resolve the impressment issue and settle trade disputes, but mostly he wanted to pump up war fever.
Molly writes:
Beethoven wrote comparatively little in 1812, due to ill health and conflict with his brother. On advice of his physician, he spent the summer of 1812 at a spa in Teplitz in Bohemia, which is somewhere in Europe. In those days, doctors thought that going to spas would cure fevers, but now we just go to spas to relax and have a nice time. At Teplitz, Beethoven wrote three love letters to his "Immortal Beloved", who historians think was Antonie Brentano. Beethoven thought Antonie was really hot, but she wasn't about to mess around with him because he had no money and was smelly, but mostly because he had no money.Megan writes:
I realize that this has nothing to do with American History, the subject of this class, but I really like Beethoven, and if I were Antonie Brentano I might have dallied with him even if he did smell.
Dolley Madison struggled against the velvet bands that secured her wrists to the stable wall. Her bodice fell slightly open, and her breasts heaved.Bibi writes:
"Oh Chitterling!" she cried to the enormous black man who loomed over her. "You're so kinky!".
"Shut up, Miz Madison!", grunted Chitterling, slipping the gag through her teeth.
"Mmmmmmpf mmmmmpf mmmmmmmmmmmmpf!" cried Dolley.
Meanwhile, General Hull crossed the Detroit River and occupied the Canadian town of Sandwich, a town named after a common form of lunch. His poorly disciplined forces ravaged the town, and Canadian women -- who are generally hot -- ran screaming through the streets, their breasts heaving.
In 1812, the Swedes in America did little of note. Swedes in America were actually mostly Finns, because Sweden owned Finland. Swedes settled near Philadelphia built saunas and ran naked through the snow thrashing themselves with birch sticks until the Quakers put a stop to that because it was a kind of sex, which was forbidden by Quakers. Swedes also tried to make smelly fish, but Quakers put a stop to that, too. Now that the Quakers no longer rule, we Swedes can thrash ourselves naked and eat smelly fish whenever we want.Betsy Flapper doesn't write anything, instead choosing to surf Facebook on her iPad. She will get someone in her entourage to write the paper.
