The morning express train from Lake City arrived at Stapleton station promptly at nine-oh-eight on Tuesday morning behind an aging Pacific class locomotive. Mr. Booth Kibble, Sr., founder and senior partner of the investment advisory firm Kibble, Kibble and Fish, alighted from the parlor car and peered around the station.
At the forward end of the train, the Pacific hissed and chuffed as it stood waiting for all present to attend to business. Men unloaded bags of mail and express from the front-end cars, and a mixed throng boarded and debarked at several points along the length of the train.
"Damned out-of-town meetings", grumbled Mr. Kibble as he secured his hat and strode toward the station waiting room, where Henry Blackstone, Jr. awaited.
"Good morning, Mr. Kibble", said Mr. Blackstone, extending his hand, with an air of deference to the older man.
"Good morning, Henry". Mr. Kibble did not return the deference. "Let's get this over with".
They drove silently to Mr. Stapleton's office, where Billy Betzendorf waited. Mr. Blackstone had picked him up separately, so Mr. Kibble would not have to endure the embarrassment of riding in the same car as Mr. Betzendorf.
At ten sharp, Mr. Blackstone convened the settlement meeting in his oak-paneled conference room. Messrs. Blackstone and Kibble occupied the two ends of the table. Billy Betzendorf hesitated, then accepted a chair on one side of the table proffered by Mr. Blackstone. Mr. Blackstone's secretary, Chiquita "Boom-Boom" Whippleton, primly took her seat to Mr. Blackstone's left. In her spare time, Chiquita works as a stripper at the Stapleton Go-Go Club, ostensibly to subsidize her expensive tastes but mostly for fun.
Mr. Blackstone spoke for the record: "Ahem. This is a meeting of final liquidation and settlement for the John Bone Trust, presided by me, attendees, Mr. Kibble and..." Blackstone gestured toward Billy Betzendorf. "...blah, blah, blah, the usual boilerplate, today's date and time etc etc." Chiquita scribbled furiously, crossing her legs as she wrote. Mr. Blackstone paused, gazed at her legs and made a mental note to visit the Go-Go Club.
"The first order of business is the liquidation of trust assets. Mr. Kibble, would you please render your accounting...?"
Mr. Kibble picked up some papers from the table, donned his glasses and cleared his throat.
"Ahem. Thank you, Mr. Blackstone. Now as you recall, Mr. Bone fancied himself as an investor, and left strict instructions that we were not to modify the choice of investments in any way. These instructions prevented us from providing our customary strategic guidance based on our insights into markets."
"Which are, no doubt, deep", interjected Mr. Blackstone.
Mr. Kibble was slightly surprised by this interruption, but continued. "Oh, yes. We have deep insights. Very deep, indeed." He paused to take a drink of water.
"Under the constraints imposed by Mr. Bone's will, we made no changes to the investments, except for those liquidations necessary to cover our management fees."
"Which, no doubt, are well earned."
"Indeed, our management fees are very well earned. There is the annual custodial fee to hold and maintain the assets; the reporting fee; registration fees; trust fees; investment advisory fees and, of course, legal fees."
"Of course", said Mr. Blackstone. "We must not forget the legal fees."
"And so, to the liquidation. To begin with, there are a number of assets in Mr. Bone's portfolio which we regret we are unable to liquidate despite our best efforts, as there are no prospective buyers for these securities. This category includes bonds issued by the Russian Tsar prior to 1917..."
"Top-rated securities in 1910", commented Mr. Blackstone.
"The very finest. These bonds are of such high quality that your client may wish to hold on to them in case the Tsar's government is restored." Mr. Kibble pushed a pile of bonds toward Billy.
"Also in this category are bonds of the Austro-Hungarian Empire..." -- he pushed another pile toward Billy -- "...the Kingdoms of Prussia and Bavaria..." -- two more piles -- "...and these tax anticipation securities issued under the Emperor Pu Yi of China. All fine securities although there appear to be no buyers at present.
"There are also a great many stocks of companies which were, in their time, among the finest investments in America. However, due to exigent circumstances, there appear to be no buyers for these securities, as the companies in which they represent a share in ownership have entered bankruptcy, reorganization or liquidation. These include a number of banks, trust companies, railroads and industrial firms -- all very fine companies -- that were once prosperous, but at one time or another in the past thirty-eight years have fallen on hard times. Of course, although these securities have no cash value at present, they are not completely worthless. If your client is patient, no doubt the receivers of these firms are capable men, and they will do their utmost to secure for the shareholders after the remaining debts are liquidated. Of course, the firm of Kibble, Kibble and Fish will be more than pleased to represent your client in these matters for the standard fee."
"What would we do without standard fees?" queried Mr. Blackstone.
"As I live and breath, Mr. Blackstone, I do not know what we would do."
Mr. Blackstone cleared his throat. "And now, Mr. Kibble, the balance of the portfolio..?"
Mr. Kibble looked a little uncomfortable. "It appears that in light of the unmarketable nature of the remaining assets, and taking into consideration the accrued fees, there is a negative balance in the portfolio. Ordinarily, we require our clients to immediately settle any arrears upon liquidation and settlement, but since I am a Christian man..." -- he drew himself up -- "...I will be pleased to accept your client's unsecured note in lieu of immediate payment."
"A most generous offer", gushed Mr. Blackstone. "You are, indeed, a Christian man".
Mr. Kibble pushed a document towards Billy. "Just sign at the bottom line."
Billy stared at the document and the piles of securities. "Wha-a-a...?"
"To complete the settlement, Mr. Betzendorf", said Mr. Blackstone, soothingly. "Sign Mr. Kibble's document".
Billy signed. "Do ah get some money?"
"No, Mr. Betzendorf, there is no money. But you can take those securities with you, they are yours."
"Oh." Billy looked disappointed. "Kin ah go back to mah burrow?"
Mr. Blackstone fidgeted. "Mr. Betzendorf, your 'burrow', as you refer to it, is located on property of the John Bone Final Resting Place Trust. Your tenancy ended on liquidation of Mr. Bone's tontine trust five minutes ago, and I regret that there are no provisions for further tenancy, and you must vacate immediately. You may collect your belongings."
Billy Betzendorf rose and shuffled out of Mr. Blackstone's office, leaving the securities behind. He was not seen in Washington County again.
Mr. Blackstone gave the securities to Chiquita, who left Stapleton the next day for Lake City. With her looks and personality as a "come-on" to vulnerable bankers, Chiquita used the worthless securities as collateral to procure large cash advances; these, she invested astutely in various legitimate and illegitimate businesses and made a fortune.
